your thong is hanging out like whoa
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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