they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
