Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
