Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
