I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
