Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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