wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
