Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
we're so committed to being not committed
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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