Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
