im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
