Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
