small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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