I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
