you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
