Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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