Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
