so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
This is the high leading the old right now
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
