i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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