she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
