i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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