I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
