doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
