She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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