Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
