Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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