can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
