woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Randomize
