i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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