I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
