so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
