best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
