walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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