Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
NoShamevember. You game?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
