found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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