no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
