Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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