when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
