i jhust puked up my retainher.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
