still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
