Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
tell me about the eggs
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
