we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
