I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Randomize
