I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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