Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
