Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
