I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
