So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
