He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
