how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
