She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
