If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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