he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
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