chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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