I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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